the flat.

alright, i know i've neglected writing for sometime now... but i'm busy, with working and drinking and such... and i'm sure you're not the least bit interested...

anyway, the question of the day is if i can finish off a flat of beer before i pass out sometime this evening... that's right, huge ambitions. but you know something... fuck it. that's all we need to know. fuck it. has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?... fuck it.

okay, that's enough from drunky the fuck clown... i'll write more when i get around to it. or perhaps if i feel like ranting somewhere between beer #12 and beer #20.

cheers.

getting drunk.

this may be difficult... i'm fists deep in gin, and probably a little emotional. oh well, i'll push on (thank fuck for spell-check).

does inebriation provide relevant insight, or misguided delusions that entice rather than suffice to some overwhelming outcome, which seems too great an influence to ignore. i don't know.

does being drunk allow for some kind of release of inner representation? probably not. because being drunk is sort of like being in a dream. you are releasing inner thoughts, but it's almost always some sort of vent, rather than a declaration of decision. still, drunken rants are seldom to be taken lightly... ha! obviously i'm fucking kidding. drunken rants are absolutely to be taken lightly.

right?

space is cool, but time sucks.

wading through a vast correspondence of thoughts for several weeks, i have come to an understanding about at least a few things. now, if you don't share my idea/theory by all means let me know. that's why you're here, right? that and dumb luck.

recently, something very simple, and simply profound has dawned on me: space is cool, but time sucks. it's true! being a creature made of space, as everything is, we enjoy space. we enjoy ourselves (usually), others, places, objects, all forms of space. even when space seems negative, there's always the comfort of knowing we can overcome it. unlike time.

time is the muck we, as space, must move through. and it can never be overcome or conquered, only followed. even when we make better time to some destination by speeding or running, whatever time you were trying to beat is just going to catch up with you and keep on rolling by. it rolls over us, or more appropriately through us, eroding our bodies and minds over the course of our lives. the quality of our space diminishes with the passing of time, but there are ways of minimizing it's effect on us.

humans as a species learned instinctively to protect themselves, not only from things they could see and understand, but from the psychological aspects of evolution that took us a few centuries to catch on to. and so, we set about building villages, towns, cities and civilizations, because these familiar masses of space we construct help us to push through time with sort of a protective shield. going down the ladder to more personal levels, it is for the same reasons that we have and cherish our families, our friends and our lovers. when we move through the flow of time with someone else, or a group of people, life really is easier. the stress of being space moving though time is reduced, as you form a larger surface with increased resistance.

so find someone(s) to slide through time with. you'll thank yourself later.

cynicism.

i'm a cynic by nurture. don't ask, it's a complicated story. but i do not resent or regret my cynical behaviour. though i'm still honing my abilities, i am learning when best to apply my villainous powers (joke*), and when to just enjoy the moment. and my apologies to both optimists and pessimists, but it's not that i believe the world is shit... it's that i think it might be, especially with people like optimists and pessimists running around.

i know very well that the world, and indeed life, is a beautiful thing. that humans are an amazing species, who have come a long way in a relatively very brief period of time. but we all have agendas, everyone of us. and the more people try to hide their agendas with things like optimism and pessimism, the more cynical behaviour will be validated and adopted by today's youth/children, not too mention the media. and that's not even what cynics want... well not me at least. even cynicism itself has to adapt and learn to balance. it has admittedly been leaning to the negative for sometime now, it just needs to shift a little.

but questioning is needed. if there's anything that will insure future generations of people, it's asking all the questions and getting all the answers. just ask! it may be a ridiculous question, but if so at least you have an answer: it's a ridiculous question! it may be a really big question (which are great, the bigger the better) and it may take years or decades for an answer, but it will be answered.

due to the modern education system, most young people have come to resent learning. asking questions reminds them of learning, which reminds them of school, which reminds them of boredom, embarrassment, etc. but with today's modern wonders of technology, there's almost nothing you can't discover by simply typing something into a search engine. if you want to know something, type it in. for the love of all mankind, if you have a question, find an answer.

you may not like every answer you receive through life, this is undoubtedly true. but you'll like having received every answer. so ask.

stumble.

if you haven't yet experienced the wonders of stumble, i strongly suggest you find a way to do so. it's simply an application you add to your firefox browser, which allows you to literally stumble through the internet, stopping at pages most suited to your interests. it's awesome!... usually.

depending how wide you set your range of interests, you can understandably wind up with some really stupid shit on your screen. i'm pretty sure they have parental controls, but why the hell am i going use them? warning: this can lead to even more stupid shit. as if you didn't already suspect that.

but let me take you on a brief, narrated tour of what can be experienced using stumble. first, i end up at dtoy_vs_byokal. i've seen these before, kaleidoscope simulators. a little boring.

next, a list of contact numbers for a group of major companies in the u.s.a and directions on how to reach a human representative. little more interesting.

then something a little more personal... then jazz classics... followed by world records... a tree of life web project for biological and evolutionary study... the rainforest action network... something artistic... and something holy hilarious.

and that's just a quick taste. it can show you anything, everything and absolutely nothing. the best part is, you have no idea what's coming. for serious, check it out. and enjoy.

just want to know, why? (redux)

i don't really take notice of many horoscopes, but the one i do is featured at www.freewillastrology.com and it is the only one i regard for a reason. rob brezsny doesn't give you details, he gives you ideas.

anyway, i feel that his words this week respond eerily well with my previous post, bringing up questions of synchronicity, coincidence and chaos.


-Philosopher Bertrand Russell wasn't so much interested in the "will to believe." Rather, he preferred "the will to find out, which is the exact opposite." Your assignment, Leo, is to try his approach. Regard it as an experiment that you'll have fun with. For a few days, refuse to jump to any conclusions whatsoever. Be skeptical of all theories about why things are the way they are. See if you can thrive without clinging to any ideology. Instead, be bursting with the intention to discover the raw truth, no matter where that leads you, and even if it seems to contradict your rules to live by.-


it kind of makes me smile. true, it may fall light to some of the more daunting situations described in the last post. but it's a strong juxtaposition which resonates the rational, relative idea i was trying to express. and call me a romantic, but even as an atheist i like to believe in synchronicity.

just want to know, why?

do you ever find yourself in a position, where you simply must receive a reason for some event or occurrence? obviously this happens more frequently with the less someone knows about events or occurrences, but for today's rational, thinking man or woman, most things can be understood relatively quickly through the powers of logic.

if an earthquake occurs, any destruction or tragedy is a direct result of the earthquake, which is the result of an occasionally unstable planet that pretty well, does as it pleases. the same can be applied to the entire scope of "natural disasters".

if a neighbour wins the lottery, most will wonder, why not me? more often than not, this result is achieved by never having purchased a ticket in the first place. but for those that do play, and at least semi-consistently lay down wages you've earned on a group of random numbers, the answer is still fairly obvious: the odds are stacked heavily against everyone. with the amount of tickets sold paired with the range of randomness each number sequence is capable of, it falls in the lap of luck to determine the outcome... unless someone knows of a lottery corporation conspiracy that i don't?

but there are those few events in life, where all you want are answers, and there will be none provided. when a child becomes terminally ill with a disease, or syndrome or cancer for no discernible reason; when a psychotic brutally kills people then claims their hamster told them to do it, and we're told they're insane and that no one really knows why they committed those acts, but they're going away never to be heard from again; when a distant/anonymous relative passes, leaving you an unexpected inheritance without an explanation; or when someone you've invested your body, heart and mind in, abruptly changes their mind and decides that you're no longer suitable for their love.

sometimes we will just never know. this is especially true when dealing with the "free will" of a human brain.


it is interesting to note that when positive events occur, a great deal less time is spent questioning, why?

thankful for the music.

“music takes us out of the actual and whispers to us dim secrets that startle our wonder as to who we are, and for what, whence, and whereto.” -ralph waldo emerson

is there anything music can't do to our emotions? regardless of the range in genres you've deemed acceptable for your listening pleasure, there collectively exists an immense broadcast of songs, tunes, jingles, jams, slams, wails, ballads and grooves, which will take anyone, anywhere, anytime to any emotional state they wish to feel. it's remarkable and intensely powerful.

with an ipod or mp3 device we have the ability to cram literally thousands of songs into a hand held computer, which we can enjoy at any moment we choose (presuming of course that we remembered to charge the battery). now, i'm relatively new to the world of ipod ownership, less than a year now. i lugged around a discman for years, along with however many cds i could cram into my pockets. unless i had a backpack, then i could carry a case!... ipods are the best. some awful, obscene amount of song titles and album names, all neatly packaged in a silver rectangle that fits in my front pocket.

but recently the whole "coincidental playlist" that ipods seem to adopt on occasion, has unravelled into either a running joke from a cosmos that mocks, or an ongoing declaration of the inevitability of artificial intelligence. it more often than not, seriously seems as if my ipod (put on random) actually selects a list of songs that it thinks i should listen to. i mean obviously our taste in music will reflect in our digital libraries, and who i am and what emotional states i choose to feed from will affect the the ratio of songs to my preferred types of feeling. but with 50+ GB of tracks playing at random, genres ranging from jazz through metal, country to classical, indie, experimental, hip-hop and disco, my ipod still manages to run through an uncanny myriad of tunes that will have me questioning just how intelligent these little machines are.

none the less, i am thankful for the music. so what, if the constant stimulation propels me to a point where my life feels more like a movie or a marketing device, than a life. so what, if i consume pieces of relative creation and use them to define my presence without ever giving a piece of myself to world i am undeniably a part of. so what, if i let the world create me instead of creating a world i'd like to see. so what, right?

'cause you're thankful for the music.

what is love?

love is a fickle bitch.

first off, just what the hell is it exactly? is it like most other emotions, which exist as chemicals released at (un)appropriate times? is it simply an idea we have fabricated, in an attempt to understand and communicate overwhelming floods of those chemicals? or is it some form of kinetic energy that flows through each of us, connecting best with similar frequencies? should we give ourselves over to it? or keep it close to our own hearts, and handle it with reserve?

there are three standard sources one can turn to when asking questions of such scope and magnitude: science, religion and art. but each has their flaws, or outright biases.

science gets a hard enough time for "playing god" as it is. if scientists were to tell us there is an "answer" to love, there might just be rioting.

religion bases everything on faith, and if i'm already questioning the fundamental elements of love, you can bet that my idea of faith was questioned some time ago.

and art is subject to far too much interpretation and emotions itself, to really give any clear-cut sort of answer as to what love could be.

so we're back where we started, asking questions that we're also going to have to answer. we're no better off than we were when the question was asked. or are we?

love is a fickle bitch.

a greeting?

how does one welcome a faceless mass of human interaction? what is the proper way to greet a wandering stranger, when there will be no real meeting and we shall continue as strangers? what does one say when faced with such anonymity?

hello, i suppose.

i sincerely hope you are having a wonderful day, if not, let's just hope it turns around.

welcome to my page.